He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
