he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
