Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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