I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
