Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
