God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
