Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
