The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
