He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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