you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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