So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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