ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
