ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
