It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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