So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
