So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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