Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
