I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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