last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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