hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
