Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
