Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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