let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
