just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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