Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
