i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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