She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
