And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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