I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
