I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
