Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
