God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
