Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
