Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
