took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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