Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my shit smells like andre
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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