you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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