Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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