2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
