I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
