I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
