So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
