Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
