It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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