happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
