If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
