OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
