If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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