We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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