just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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