Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
