i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
