Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
