I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
