Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
