between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
