you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
