You just made me feel so damn special
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Still dying that you shit outside
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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