Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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