I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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