Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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