The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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