There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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