im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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