there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
