Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize