there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
