I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
