yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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